There was this time
when I was a kid
I ate way more ’n
I wish that I did
I saw & I craved
& I gave it a try
Six huge helpings
of too sweet pie
I musta been thinking
I don’t know what
It started to roil
& boil in my gut
I sweat like a pig
got green in the face
Soon I was puking
all over the place
It caught in my throat
It came up my nose
It splattered the ground
& splashed on my clothes
I threw up nine times
It mighta been ten
I thought of the pie
& said “never again”

So if there’s
cake or there’s pie
& I gotta pick
I’ll take the cake
’cause the pie
makes me sick
All that I need is one
whiff of the smell
I get the dry heaves
& I don’t feel well
It’s pretty clear
what I gotta do
Stay away from that pie
or I’ll start to spew…

…and that’s how I feel about you.

(Words and photo by Sarah Hinlicky Wilson. I wrote this poem a long, long time ago in honor of my last boyfriend before Andrew. The feelings have long since evaporated, but I still think it’s a funny poem.)